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Essay text:
I had previously lived a life of chaos and hurt
With self-esteem no higher than dirt
Never knowing what it was like to be put first
I was used to being confused and scared
Finding nothing but the gallows of despair
I was always neglected
Always feeling like I didn't belong
Or even accepted
Waiting for the next time
To just be rejected
I couldn't help the feelings I had
Mixed emotions of feeling mad and sad
I couldn't help that I was treated bad
And that's what made me so apprehensive
Running from my feelings inside
Trying to scurry to get away
Trying to hide
I had no other options
Until that day I was thankfully
Put up for adoption
And I'm sorry to say, because of my past
When I first arrived, I made it clear, very fast
That I wasn't going to make it easy
I didn't make it easy for my new family, I'm sure
For they hadn't experienced anything like me before
Making them second think about letting me stay
I was always fiercely pushing them away
Fighting and struggling to keep them at bay
Unintentional of course
I honestly never meant any harm
And I finally realize and see how I always held out my arms
Trying to protect myself from foreshadowed pain
That wasn't even there
Pain I hallucinated in my brain
But now?...
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