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August 21, 2018

Get rid of your roommate

I remember a situation which inspired me to write this article. I just moved to a different city and in my new apartment, I unexpectedly met a weird dirty fellow, who announced that he would be my roommate. So I had to do something really proactive to get rid of him.

If you are in a situation like this, the following tips on how to get your roommate to leave youmay be found pretty useful for you:

  1. Do not go to bed until you see that your roommate is deeply sleeping. Then take as many pictures of him/her as possible. You need to show all the pictures you’ve taken to your friends laughing and teasing the roommate about his/her sleeping postures. In addition to taking pictures, you can film your roommate, especially if he/she has a habit of snoring.
  2. If you are at home, you need to find your roommate and track everything he/she does. Then get busy correcting all that you find “inappropriate” helping the roommate to learn the “right” way of doing different things. Some examples of the “right” things may be to type on the computer, to brush his/her teeth, to do his/her homework, to sleep in a certain position, to chew, to shave, and many others you find “appropriate.”
  3. Pretend that you need your roommate very much and pretty often. Keep asking him/her where he/she goes leaving the room, even if your roommate is going to the bathroom. Try to call him/her endlessly and ask questions like this, “So where are you?” or “When will you be home?”
  4. If you and your roommate have not had a chance to get to know each other better yet, you can try this: call him/her as your “best friend” or “buddy,” or try to cuddle with him/her when you watch TV together.
  5. Try to have “nightmares” all the time screaming aloud. Remember to put from time to time your roommate’s name into all that muttering. Try also to get out of bed having a “sleepy walk.” When he/she asks about all these night ramblings, always reject the “truth.”
  6. Try putting all your dirty dishes where your roommate has his/hers (even in his/her room) till he/she washes them. Never acknowledge you have done so. When you have your dishes cleaned, you can get them back and use before the next cleaning. This is a good way not only to get on your roommate’s nerves trying to get rid of him/her, but it is also a good way to make use of him/her.
  7. In case you and your roommate live in one room, you can tell him/her that you must have the lights on when you sleep. As an excuse you can tell that you have nightmares, acne eruption, you detest the environment, you are from Alaska, you cannot sleep with closed eyes, and so on.

All the best!

August 21, 2018
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