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Although the first passage could be improved by explaining where he was, what the disaster entailed, and who the funny-looking guy was, its honesty far outweighs the literary correctness of the second passage.
Once again, in Hall’s analysis of the narratives of Nina Chan, he seems to be putting too much focus on what is correct, and not enough on what makes an interesting work of literature. The impromptu theme does rely heavily on cliches in the first few sentences; however, the narrative uses so much language in avoiding the cliches that the first six paragraphs in the 13-paragraph essay – close to half of the narrative – are utterly boring and colorless...
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